I've been spending the past two weeks in the French countryside near Bordeaux. Through a website called Helpx.net, I contacted hosts on a farm and negotiated to trade work on the farm for room and board and food. I feed and scoop poop for two horses, a goat, and of course, chickens. One of the chickens lets me pet her. I felt cooped up this evening so I went for a bike ride. Right now, I'm writing this on my phone. This is my view.
There are too many mosquitoes and they should all die a fiery, torturous death. Anyway, I often get lonely during my travels. Right now is another of those phases. I had an amazing strawberry shortcake in the morning at the Saturday outdoors market in Mussidan, but this underlying loneliness remains. Yesternight I realized that I was far away from Mayfair Skatepark and if all went well I wouldn't be back there in a long time. And the skaters there I had come to know and love would move on too. I felt sad but webcammed with a friend who told me to get some rest, so I did.
Well, the loneliness is still here. Why am I here? Why do I keep feeling this urge to fly to new places and experiences, far away from everyone who loves me? The answer is I don't know. It feels lonely and beautiful at the same time. I just know that if I don't, I die. Sounds dramatic, but it's true. I've seen the Dali Museum in Figueres, and I've seen grand churches in Barcelona and Bordeaux and they're beautiful, but I'm looking for something beyond snapping pictures. I'm looking for a life where I am free, where I don't have to choose one career, one spouse, one house, one rat race life of school-career-die. Is freedom too much to ask for? Freedom in love and life? Am I Icarus who flew too close to the sun so that his wings of wax melted and he fell into the sea and drowned? Well, I don't mind trying. I hope this post reminds me that I'm brave, I'm strong, and I'm not afraid to face uncertainty. The story of Daedalus seems to say that we should stay humble and close to the ground. But what if he didn't use wax? What if there's something else, and if we find it, we can fly to the sun and beyond?